나는 그와의 사랑에 완전히 빠졌다. ♡

“How are you? I wish I could have seen you in LA. But I couldn’t. And you couldn’t.“ — AH

변명하지 말아요. -_-

“Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation. For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand.“ — Doctrine and Covenants 58:3~4

”Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” — Isaiah 41:10

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.“ — Hebrews 11:1

“Wherefore, by the ministering of angels, and by every word which proceeded forth out of the mouth of God, men began to exercise faith in Christ; and thus by faith, they did lay hold upon every good thing; and thus it was until the coming of Christ. And after that he came men also were saved by faith in his name; and by faith, they become the sons of God. And as surely as Christ liveth he spake these words unto our fathers, saying: Whatsoever thing ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is good, in faith believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be done unto you.” — Moroni 7:25~26

“Happy Birthday Reanne! In few days, you will be entering one of the greatest challenges in your career. I am very confident that you will do well in the US Air Force, you showed your versatility and patience while living independently. You are ready babe! You passed Daddy’s test! Soon you will be the guardian of Freedom and Justice, the nation’s sword and shield, the people’s sentry and avenger, who is ready to defend. GOODLUCK… MOM and DAD are so proud of you. We love you babe!“ — Father

My first thought was, “Was Papa on drugs?” because he never says things like that to me but since this is very, very rare, I decided that I shall savor the moment. Also, he posted this on my mother’s Facebook Wall, he posted it on my Facebook Wall, and he posted it on his own Facebook Wall so all his friends and everyone else started to “Like” it and comment on it. It was awkward and embarrassing (because he had my picture on there too) but I felt good nonetheless. Then my second thought was, “He called me an ‘Avenger’ TEEHEE!“ ♡ 

I feel a little better… Spent some time with DG and have awesome presents from Joe. And I’m really excited for my birthday party on Wednesday. It’ll be amazing company with great food this year. ♡

I also feel better because I got to talk to my mother about my struggles and what I’ve been going through. What I found weird was while I’ve been keeping myself busy and doing so many things at once, my mother would call me or text me and ask what I was doing, I’d text her back or call her back and tell her everything I’m doing. I remember she said, “Wow, Reanne. You’re so busy! That’s good but you need to slow down…” and I just brushed it off and said, “Yeah, yeah, yeah” then she added, “No. Really. Slow down or something’s going to happen…” and then BOOM. Look what happened. I don’t know if my mother’s a wizard or she’s just that experienced in stuff like this but it really hit me in the head that I really need to slow down. So I took time to read the scriptures and just chill out. I felt better but at the same time, talking to my mother about it was the main reason.

”Maybe this is a test for you to step back and see what’s around you. Maybe this is God testing your faith and your will, maybe this is God saying that this isn’t your path or is going to give you something better but in the end, you’re going to be blessed with what you deserve and you’re going to look back and see why it happened.“  — Elder Kirk

”I believe that God wants you to stay a little longer for a reason. Maybe it’s to help someone, maybe it’s to meet someone or maybe it’s for you to do something first before you leave… He might have just extended it because there is something you have to do first…“  — Elder Gylling

”There’s this saying, ‘The closer you try to come to God, the more struggles you face’ and I think this is a test of your faith, endurance, courage and your patience. I think that as long as you place your faith on God, he will give you that chance. I’m thinking that God may have done this because there’s a reason that you will find out later on. Maybe God’s going to give you a better job. Always remember that He doesn’t give you what you cannot handle.“  — Mother

”I believe God is saying that the job that you wanted was not the job that would make you shine to your full potential so he’s extending it and will give you a better job that fits your skills better.“  — Glenn

The last two almost three days I’ve been going through a lot of bullshit that should not be happening right now…

My best friend-roommate started to bitch at me for something that doesn’t even make two and two together so I thought that was some unnecessary bullshit.

But what really caught me off guard was that my recruiter called me Thursday morning and told me that the Air Force stripped away the job that I had booked three weeks before I leave. I leave on June 19th and they tell me NOW that I can’t have the job because of “citizenship reasons”. Back in March, I had my interview with the Investigation Bureau and I fixed all of their things that were messed up and that includes the citizenship section. I gave them proof and even my recruiter said that we fixed it before I headed out to MEPS. I gave my recruiter two copies of everything before I headed down to MEPS and I even had extra copies for MEPS just in case.

And then they tell me that I can’t have the job I wanted because of their mistake?  They still had their system all jacked up and still gave me that job. They should have told me a long time ago before I swore in.

It pisses me off because I have to pay for it. My recruiter and I have to go out and find someone who’s willing to swaps jobs with me that still leave in June because my recruiter wants me to leave near my date or sometime in the month of June or if worst comes to worst, I have to do a “job drop” and start my list all over again and wait… THREE WEEKS BEFORE I AM SCHEDULED TO LEAVE.

What frustrates me is that this is what I want, this is what I worked hard for, this is the career I want, this is the reason why I’ve been patient for the last two years… I’ve been trying to get my fucking foot in the door for the last two years and at the same time, I’m seeing people who don’t give a fuck about the Air Force, who take this as a joke, who enter without integrity, pride, desire and passion, people who are entering think this is a joke and take it lightly and THEY are the ones that enter faster than I do. But when people are around me, they get a sense that this is what I want, this is my dream, my passion, my desire yet I’ve been struggling for the longest time just to get in. It makes me cry in anger because I feel like I just can’t catch a break…

To watch these people who enter without the desire to be in it or have any pride to be in it really make me sick because I’m just one of the few people that actually want this, who have the most determination to strive in the Air Force and who is willing to dedicate their lives to the Air Force yet, I get very little recognition and I’m given lack of importance.

My veins may not be blood-American and I may not look American but my heart is more American than most Americans. I have pride in my country, I have the desire to serve my country and I have faith in my country. I think that’s more than any branch could ask for. I don’t care about the money, I don’t care about the job, but just to know that I’m doing this because it’s my passion and it’s for my country, I’m happy. Just because I’m Asian-American doesn’t make me less of an American than I already am.

Now I have to sit here, wait for an opportunity to pop up and give me another job that leaves in the month of June or will allow me to leave on the 19th or do a “job drop” and start over…